Enemy Applause when I’m Silent
“Evangelism”
Why does the very word make us wince, or our stomach do flip-flops, or make us sigh with guilt? Why do we secretly hope that for at least a decade, the pastor won’t preach on it, our devotionals won’t refer to it, and we won’t stumble across a verse about it in our Bibles? Oh yes, and God forbid that someone tells me about his/her latest evangelistic conversation.
I have several friends who don’t know Jesus. Despite praying for them for years, I’ve never told them what Jesus did for them. Praying for them this morning, I wondered why that is.
Has it been because I can’t seem to find a way into conversations that are about other things? Sure.
Is it because I’m afraid that if they don’t like what I say they’ll stop being my friends? Not really.
Or maybe I’m too concerned that I won’t have good answers to any questions they might raise? No, I’m ok saying, “That’s a great question but I don’t have a good answer for you. I’ll look into it and get back to you.”
One word came to my mind as I asked God what my problem is: awkward. Back to seemingly being unable to find an entry point into unrelated conversations, I’m realizing that I want spiritual conversations with an unbeliever to be natural, an orderly transition from the secular to the sacred. I want this because I don’t want to look strange by interrupting a conversation about the Philadelphia Eagles with, “Hey, what do you think or believe about Jesus?” I’d look foolish. Embarrassed. In other words, I love me more than I love them. My comfort in a particular moment matters more to me than their joy and comfort today as well as for all eternity.
This disordered love, I hate. Now what?
I’m not sure. Stay tuned.